summer sunshine

evolving

2006-10-06T21:21:00.000+08:00

I think I'm turning into a mugger. LOL. I have no life, everyday just study and try to complete the tons of homework the teachers throw at us each day. But I thank God though, feeling myself with the determination and motivation to continue increasing my acceleration in preparation of the O levels. Hee, but finishing my homework early means more time for revision for me! Afterall, I need it more than anyone of you do.

Anyway, I went for cell group meeting today. I had to go down to church office before that to get Barry's house keys from him. WAIL! Tower 3 is like so far from City Hall MRT. Bleahx, and the shuttle bus is so SLOW. It takes a LONG time to arrive, and a LONG time to travel. In the end, I was so late that I ended up having to cab down to Barry's house to meet Meitong. Meitong is so NICE! She not only paid for my cab fare, she also bought me a packet of nasi lemak and a bottle of coke! (: Sweet. Cell group ended real fast today. It lasted about 1.5h. And Jon gorgor and John didi are so LAME. Telling NERD jokes helps relieves stress. *JEREMY IS KINGKONG*

I came home on the train with Geraldine and Jon. Haha, I was suaning Jonathan about Mable all the way home. LOL. I took 300 at CCK interchange and reached home at around 7.45pm.

Anyway, I took a photo from Barry's window of the terrible haze condition.

PSI: 80

Real bad huh?

I'm still mugging, going off to do my homework already. And Jaanmeng is out having fun. His exams are over already. ABANDONED ME!!! BLEAHX. Below are photos of roses I saw at GIANT on Wednesday. They are GORGEOUS and only $6.90 for a bouquet of 10.

Stephie.

it hurts

2006-09-29T21:04:00.000+08:00

I know, the Os are coming, and I'm moving on to pre-U education soon. I know I'm going to be busy after that, but I'll try to juggle and spend time with you whenever I can. You know, it hurts when you said that you were okay with it, that you didn't mind. sigh.

Anyway, went for cgm today. The Word was indeed great! Meitong preached about the 5 languages of love.
1. Words of affirmation
2. Quality time
3. Gift-giving
4. Acts of service
5. Physical touch

I think I'm a really physical person. It really takes a hug to tell me you love me, a pat to motivate me. Hahah, I've learned to act according to others' primary and secondary languages of love, then you'll realise that all the hard work you put in will not come to waste. xD It's amazing how God has created each and everyone of us to be. After that, meitong gave us a piece of post-it each to write down something to encourage ourselves when we feel discouraged. I think it kind of helps, like I feel more assured of the promises of God and more convinced that I can do it!

Stephie.

PUNCHED ALYWIN GOH ASSHOLE

2006-09-17T19:57:00.002+08:00

my fingers and wrist hurt after punching my brother. ouch.

my mum's a liar. my brother is a liar. you are a liar too. the world is so unreal.

Stephie. (tears only He knows)

paul twohill is out!

2006-09-07T21:02:00.000+08:00

I AM SAD SAD SAD SAD SAD!!!!!!! Paul Twohill is OUT!!!!!! *screams and storms around the house...* I think Hady should be out! Why Paul?! Urghx. If what happened for the previous SI happens again for this, I'll slam down mediacorp. Wahahaha...okay okay, I'm joking, but WHY IS PAUL OUT INSTEAD OF HADY!?!

Stephie.

why?

2006-09-06T23:00:00.000+08:00

But look, you are trusting in deceptive words that are worthless. Jeremiah 7:8

What I see, I believe.
What I hear, I take it in.
What I feel in my spirit, I know it.

But now? What I hear does not tally with what I see. What I see coincides with what I feel in my spirit. So what is it? I don't ask anymore. I rather not know. I guess it doesn't matter, after all, truth will be illuminated by the light of God right? Whatever is true will remain, whatever isn't will all fade away. Whatever will be will be.

The truthful lip shall be established forever,
But a lying tongue is but for a moment.
Deceit is in the heart of those who devise evil,
But counselors of peace have joy.
No grave trouble will overtake the righteous,
But the wicked shall be filled with evil.
Lying lips are an abomination to the LORD,
But those who deal truthfully are His delight.
Proverbs 12:19-22

Stephie.

sigh

2006-09-05T21:54:00.000+08:00

Where do I go to seek for the you in the past?
Will I ever get a chance to see that you again?
But come to think of it again,
The past holds things that I do not want to reminisce.
Oh what do I do?
Bleak...

Stephie.

vexed

2006-09-05T10:23:00.001+08:00

Who but the Lord knows what the future holds?

You changed my opinion of you and of our future. Bleak.

Stephie.

vexed

2006-09-05T00:33:00.000+08:00

I'm vexed and I can't sleep. I just had a tiff with someone and now hearing things going on around me. Sigh. The Lord sees.

Stephie.

tired

2006-09-04T21:49:00.000+08:00

I'm SO TIRED! Haha, couldn't sleep at 1 plus last night so I played Bobby Carrot 4 on my phone. FUN!

Anyway, I was supposed to go to PP to meet the members to study, but Jaan called and said that they were plying basketball instead. -_-" So I just bathed boyboy and decided to stay at home since Jaan has a paper tomorrow. I studied on rivers and Aswan High Dam for a while when Ameline called. xD Good news she brought with her! Hahah, she was bringing her siblings out to Sakae to eat and asked my brother and I along. HER TREAT. Haha, so my brother brought me out to West Mall to meet my cousins and we had a great meal at Sakae. FULL! After that, we shopped around to see what was there to buy. I spent 14 bucks at West Mall can!? URGHX. 3 bucks on stationary, 5 on a new handphone pouch, 2 dollars to buy boyboy cornstarch powder, and 4 dollars on postcards. Haha, my mummy sponsored me a giordano shirt. It's black and there are silver prints which says "In every rocky heart, there is an angel waiting to be set free". SUPER NICE. Haha.

And so I came home and continued studying. xD

Stephie.

happy 21st bday to ameline.

2006-09-03T22:42:00.000+08:00

Baby Joshua! CUTE? xD Absolutely! Who would expect this chubby and adorable 2-year old to have a hole in his heart when he was still in the womb? Besides, at the age of two, he sings, dances, prays in the Spirit, and speaks dialect?! Amazing eh? Anyway, I just came home from my cousin's 21st birthday party.

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY AMELINE!

I made her a bouquet of 21 pink roses which looks totally FANTABULOUS. Haha, I think I'll make big bucks if I make them and sell. WAHAHAA. xD I had a great time at my cousin's house playing with baby joshua and talking to my cousins. Oh ya, before I forget, good luck to all the N level-ers for their Chinese paper tomorrow and Tuesday. Junyong, Jaan, Bronson, all the best! More pictures of baby jojo coming right up!

Stephie.

SICK.

2006-09-02T11:22:00.000+08:00

Currently, I'm down with sore throat and flu. Bleahs. I don't like the feeling of it.

TELL ME WHAT TO DO ABOUT MY DARLING CAMERA.

Stephie.

SLEEPY PIG! xD

2006-08-31T21:48:00.000+08:00

I just woke up from my wonderful sleep. Wahaha...I slept from 5.30 to 7.30 then from 7.30 to 9.30. 4 HOURS OKAY?! Haha, I'm so tired la, like I've been so busy mugging for the past few days and I'm so exhausted. Thank God the weekend and the holidays are here. Thank God there's one more week before the prelims continue, which gives quite a lot of time for revision.

I think I need to apologise to a lot of people for not hanging out with them this week. I had been really really busy, and also, this exam is really very important to me at this point of time in my life, so naturally I'd spend more time with my books than with you people. I'm really sorry. Another 2 months and it's all going to be over. xD

Well, today's teachers' day celebration, so I met up with the 6A-ians to go back to CCKPS. Apparently, we were drenched in the rain as the school only allowed vistitors after 1.00pm. Hence, we had a long wait at the 294 void deck. People who came today are: Calvin, Alan, Kenn, Jonathan, Jinhao, Jinyu, Sim Chun, John, Bernard, Cheryl, Siyun, Regina, Theresa, Grace and me. There were so many people! Hahah, I found out that Regina is also in CHC! Awesome? Heex. Anyway, we lagged around after going to see Ms Chiam, Mdm Tan and Mdm Loh. The boys played soccer as usual while we talked about how things had been. I came home at around 4 plus. So yea, I did nothing but sleep and bathed. Hahah.

Cell group is on tomorrow. xD And I'm mugging tomorrow.

Stephie.

6a

2006-08-30T22:48:00.000+08:00

Just came back from 6A outing. I met up with the old peeps like Jinhao, Weiyang, Jinyu, Alan, Cheryl and Siyun. We had so much fun walking around Lot1 trying to find something to get for Mdm Loh. In the end, we got a box of colourful "create your own scent" perfume for her. SO PRETTY. It was on offer, $24.90, and I so want it. xD *grins* *hints*

I'm so tired. Going back to cckps tomorrow. YAWN.

Stephie.

sunflower

2006-08-28T17:01:00.000+08:00

I WANT SUNFLOWER I WANT SUNFLOWER I WANT THE SUNFLOWER! It's so freaking big and I want it. *hint hint*

Don't talk about chinese. Tml's english.

Stephie.

10 ways to get a jackfruit down the tree

2006-08-26T08:24:00.000+08:00

8 ways to get a jackfruit down the tree

1. Grab a brick from below the tree and try to whack it down.
2. Get 2 partners to form a base for you to stand on.
3. Climb up to the roof from the ledge across and try to leap and grab the tree trunk.
4. Find a jackfruit at the bottom of the trunk and pull it off.
5. Bring a penknife with you.
6. Attempt to be a tree climber if you are not afraid of the red ants.
7. Get someone to carry you from below the legs and reach for a nice one.
8. Pull a chair from one of the rooms and REACH!

Wahaha. This is a spastic post. But i promised jiamin I'll write about this. HAHA.]

Stephie.

leaders

2006-08-22T20:55:00.000+08:00

A conversation inspired me to come up with this blogpost on the topic of our spiritual leaders.

To many, leaders are busy people, and hardly have any time to be bothered with our personal lives. Monday to Friday are havoc days, but Saturday and Sunday are holy days as our leaders will be around, watching us and probably that'd be the only time that they comment on us. On the other hand, some may feel that leaders are just the so-called "K-po" people who have nothing better off to do but keep poking into our lives. Well, to both arguments, it is not true. God placed leaders in our lives not to be "k-po"s, or not to care about us, but to love us and watch over us, the children of God. Just like in the human world, there are police to help the government watch over the people, teachers to watch over the kids. What applies in the natural also applies in the spiritual. Other than being our teachers, they advice us with their anointing from God and give us applicable directions that are right in the eyes of God.

Yes indeed, our leaders are not perfect people and what they do may not always be right. But before they come to a decision and conclusion, it takes them a lot of prayer and time, seeking the Lord because none but One is perfect. Hence, they are able to come to an informed decision of what God's direction is for our paths when we are lost or stuck. It is, then, up to us to see if we are "convinced" and the how much we trust our leaders to make a decision according to what they have advised us to or not. Tough? Perhaps. But for the love of the Most High, there ought to be sacrifices made, shouldn't it?

Maybe, some day, we should stop feeling so upset when our leaders talk to us. It is true that through them our flaws and mistakes are revealed. But without them, we wouldn't be where we are now. We wouldn't be inspired to grow deeper in the Lord and serve Him with all our hearts. Thank you Jesus, for placing Meitong and Barry in my life. Even though there are times I may not like what they have to say, but I know it is from You and it is for a good cause. Thank you Meitong and Barry! Hugs. I promise I'll be more appreciative of you. xD

Stephie. (keep my camera in prayers.)

DEPRESSED

2006-08-22T20:17:00.000+08:00

I'm depressed. Something is wrong with my cybershot. It just can't seem to produce the images on the screen! WAIL! I'll be dead if my mum finds out that it is wrecked. Hell. I ask for revival in Jesus' name!

I'm pissed. I hate to be forced to do the things I don't want to do, to have things going the way I don't want them to be. URGHX.

I went out with rita, nasia, jere and zl to study at pp mac today. Haha, zl, rita, nasia and I had fun making fun of jere and tingting. LOL. After that we took a bus to toa payoh. I went 7-eleven when nasia got her specs fixed and we saw this set of CUTE soft toy that can be hung on a bag or phone. Haha, so I bought it with my drink and shared them with nasia and rita. Rita, being the youngest, took the smallest one while nasia took the medium one. And yes, I was left with the big one, but it's TOTALLY GORGEOUS. No pic due to my camera issue (xC) but it's actually kinda like a green frog with big eyes, small ears, a tongue sticking out at the side and pink wings. Haha. CUTE.

Stephie.

gentle

2006-08-18T20:40:00.000+08:00

HAPPY HAPPY! (X Jiamin likes the roses I made for her. Sorry cause I forgot to take a photo of it to be posted here to show you guys. XC

Anyway, the weekend is finally here. Heaves a sigh of relief. A weekend of rest and mugging again. I met up with Jaan after school today. (: Wahaha. He gave me a box of peanut mochi from "Guangzhou" and we had fun crapping together. With his gentle reminder, I realised that I had forgotten to give the greatest THANK YOU to Jaan! xD Apparently, he has gotten me the orange and white le coq sportif bag I wanted. (: Hugs. Ate mos for dinner then went home. AND YES, I WANT THE CINNAMOROLL CAKE! xD Super adorable. Sanrio rules.

Sitting here thinking, I really wanna thank God for the nimble fingers He has blessed me with. With much talent and creativity, through these hands, He has allowed me to make beautifulk cards to bless others, make presents to cheer up people around me and so on. Without, everything will be different eh? xD

Stephie.

WTF

2006-08-17T22:29:00.000+08:00

Something is seriously wrong with the world today. Maybe I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. Maybe I'm just too tired. But everybody is killing me. PISSED. EXASPERATED.

Stephie.

happy bday jm

2006-08-17T19:20:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday to Jiamin. xD

Today is her birthday. I spent the whole of last night making her the bouquet of paper roses okay! Hahah. She loves it. xP

Unbelievably, it is just 11 days before the horrible BIG DAY is here. I can feel myself draining out and running dry just before the exams. Sigh. I know how horrible that can be, but I still have to last for quite a few more months before the Os are over. Bleahx. I'm so tired, trying to finish up with school work as well as keep up with my own revision. Utterly horrible.

some day some nights when silence creeps
I long for a someone to share things with me
To lean on the shoulders and sleep in the arms
To lend me a hug and wipe off my tears
and tell me, "Everything is gonna be okay."
To actively love me and pick me over everyone else
To hold me up and admire me
To lavish affection, warmth, caring, nuturing
and especially to cherish me.
To be my provider and protector
A physician and general
The prophet and priest
as well as my King.
He will save me and love me completely.

Stephie.

paper roses

2006-08-13T23:25:00.000+08:00

Actually, I wasn't planning to blog today. But it was because of the GREAT discovery of folding paper roses! Haha, I was very motivated to know how to fold this paper rose after seeing the bouquet Yinling made for Crystal's birthday. Yep. It's quite hard but I succeeded on my second try! Hehex. Here it is if you are interested.

http://www.bloom4ever.com/HowToFold.htm

Stephie.

my first love

2006-08-12T23:20:00.000+08:00

my first love
forever you will be
my first breathe
you're the life in me
my first joy
the world can never take from me
my covenant with you.

xD my mum bought lemon flavoured lays.

Stephie.

TENNIS

2006-08-09T23:35:00.000+08:00

Just got home from Hougang Mall and guess what? My mum just got me a Prince Pro Ti400. LOL. It was on offer. $59.90. I know it isn't any very good racket like the NICE and GORGEOUS Prince O3 racket.But it was something from my mum since my bro got his skates and I don't know how to play tennis either.

Yes, apparently it is disgraceful to know that I can't play tennis when my bf is a national player. bleahx. There's no link there anyway so I can't really be bothered with that. All I know now is that Jaan will be given the task of teaching me tennis! Heehehehe.

Stephie.

National Day

2006-08-09T18:18:00.000+08:00

HELLO! haha, finally back blogging. Guessed I have not blogged for ages already. How I miss updating over here. Smiles. Currently watching NDP broadcast over the tv. Jaan is there performing! Ah, misses him. (:

So happy to get our AREVEOLA class tee and wearing it! Totally awesome. Haha. Mine is written at the back "stephie + 36". I like the name stephie my cg members have given me. Sounds nice to the ears. LOL. After the O Level talk, we went to habourfront to have lunch. NEW YORK PIZZA TOTALLY ROCKS MY SOCKS! except for the service. ahem. But anyway, we ate, talked and chatted happily. But time flies and I had to go off to meet my cute jjb. LOL. We went to ps with zhenliang, jerry, rita and dasiree. They had lunch, but jerry n zl had to go, so the rest of us went to the arcade. I LIKE THE "SCOOPING" GAME! I have no idea what you call that so yea. Some people won jackpot and got the MONKEY cushion!!! URGHX. With my strong affection for monkey, I was so sad! SOBBIE! I ended up walking away, feeling "depressed" while Jaan sent me home on 190. sweets.

Had our very own WL zone Project Runway cgm today! Whoohoo! Super fun. Hahax. We edited Michelle's dress and I came up with an AWESOME makeup for Michelle's face. Hee. Pretty pretty. I'll try to get the picture from one of the members and put it up here ok. Today Sis Yieling shared about the prayer of Jesus. It made me motivated to really learn to love people around me more than ever, being more loving and caring for them than I ever had, even if they are different or difficult to love. I'll try, though not perfect enough to be flawless from now on, but I will try my must to do so. (:

After cgm, I took a train back with ziyao, john and some others. Upon reaching cck int, chenyang, ziyao and me saw a group of malay guys taking on two other. They threw stones at the two of them and eventually bashed them up. It was so scary. At least it was for me cos I've never encountered it before. bleah..scary.

Talking about my 188 experience, sigh. It's a sad story. I really didn't mean for it to happen. bleahx.

no longer jeremy shall you be. joshua is your name. heheh.

Stephie.

honey bunny...

2006-08-01T19:39:00.000+08:00

I think I have such a sweet and awesome boyfriend. He bought me a packet of jaime's chocolate. DARK. And this adorable monkey bought me my long awaited MANGO BODY SCRUB! Awwww...I can't bear to use it now that I've gotten it. xD My nice and sweet boyfriend...

I went shopping with Xuan and Jaan today. Hehx, haven't taken time to go shopping for so long, always busy studying. In addition, lessons always end so late. Didn't find anything that suited me or I like. Sigh, so I didn't buy anything, and I have no idea what to wear this weekend.

Okay, got to go for now, toodles. Love you baby.

Stephie.

daddy's girl

2006-07-28T21:46:00.000+08:00

I was on the train back from cell group today when I heard a little girl say this to her dad pretty loudly on the train.

"Daddy, Jesslyn says she hate my mummy. I also hate her mummy lehx. Then Jesslyn says she like my daddy and I also like her daddy you know? We very funny hor?"

Pretty Singaporean, but that's besides the point. It was funny looking at how that little child could put it. Apparently, I don't, in any sense, feel that children hate their mummies, especially little girls. Was one myself, it somehow just seemed that my mummy is always complaining about this, nagging about that, never was there an end to it. Comparatively, my daddy is a quiet man. Other than the occassionally lame and spastic jokes he crack to me, he hardly mentions anything else other than teaching me the right moral values and advices. Probably also because that God created men to know women and vice versa, not considering the fact that we are still little girls. But it kind of explains why little boys prefer sticking to their mummies than daddies. Like women understands men, men understands women. But just deep down in every child's heart, we love BOTH our mummy and daddy! xD

Jaanmeng is crapping about how he made his examiner cry today. LOLx. Ubber funny.

Stephie.

2006-07-27T19:50:00.000+08:00

does it hurt you as much as it hurts me?
do I mean as much to you as you mean to me?
am I in denial?
am I on the wrong track?

Stephie.

crawling back to you

2006-07-27T19:46:00.000+08:00

Everybody knows
That I was such a fool
To ever let go of you
But baby I was wrong
And yeah I know I said
We'd be better off alone
It was time that we moved on
I know I broke your heart
I didn't mean to break your heart
But baby, here I am

Banging on your front door
My pride's spilled on the floor
My hands and knees are bruised
And I'm crawling back to you
Begging for a second chance
Are you gonna let me in?
I was running from the truth
And now I'm crawling back to you

I know you're in there
You can make me wait
But I'm not going away
It's the least that I can do
Just to tell you face to face
I was lying to myself (lying to myself)
Now I'm dying in this hell (dying in this hell)
Girl, I know you're mad
I can't blame you for being mad
But baby, here I am

Stephie.

hell

2006-07-24T20:14:00.000+08:00

Perhaps. I shouldn't give too much a damn when people don't give a damn themselves. I'm taking my exams for God and myself anyway. Why do I care? Washing my hands off.

Saw this lady with a GORGEOUS tiara ring. It apparently looks like one that's out of this world. (:

Stephie.

sighh. friendships

2006-07-23T00:06:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, what you sow may not be what you reap. But whatever it may be, I'll learn to trust God in my friendships. I WILL.

rain down Your power
Savior I need You near
my Jesus I call Your name

Stephie.

my gulliblility

2006-07-17T20:09:00.000+08:00

I never expected you to do this to me. Despite all these months that you've been ignoring me, I always prayed that God might somehow make this friendship work. No matter how much Meitong, Peixuan and Jaanmeng kept reminding me about how friendships have phases in each and every one of our lives, I never took a step to believe in anything that was put across to me. I remember how embarrassing it was when Sis Wenling asked me about you and I couldn't give her a reply, only to stare helplessly at Meitong. I remember leaning on Jaanmeng's shoulders and crying, releasing all the grief I have with this broken friendship. I even remember how I cried telling Mel and Rae about how I feel and how unbelievable it was of what you said. I feel stupid. I know how wonderful these 2 years have been with you, but the days without you brought double the hell in it. This doesn't mean that you are important to me in my life, cos you no longer are. You never believed how God could help you in times of need, that without Him, you would have more time to do more things. But I will, with the strength of God, prove to you, that with Him, all things are possible, that I AM the head and not the tail, above and not beneath, a light of the world. You're not worth anything at all. No, not at all. About what that guy said about you and him, it was really what I heard. And I felt was important for you to know, not wanting you to get hurt. I was afraid. I know you'd talk about me, mayb you wouldn't believe, but it didnt stop me from letting you know, cause I was concerned. But I was wrong. Foolish, to have such faith in someone whom I shouldn't have any in. Maybe I used to like hanging out with you, mayb I used to dislike Mel and Rae. But with God, the Creator and Restorer, these friendships centered around God happened to work better than what we have. We used to quarrel, but now we could talk, relate, and I realised they mean what they say, to be friends. They were there to listen to me, go out with me, share with me comments about how they feel about things around me. totally a FRIEND. Yet you, you didn't even know about the things your good friend was going through. I know because of you, a lot of people, even in your class, they don't like me. But I couldn't care. Cause I'm a God pleaser, not a man pleaser. Say what you want. I'm washing my hands off.

Thanks Rae, Jiamin, Eve, Jasmine, Mel for always being there. Love you pals. HUGS. Get well Rae.

Stephie.

pondering

2006-07-16T22:25:00.000+08:00

I just sit and ponder as things happen to people around me. I get burdened, experiencing grief by the Holy Spirit. I see people going through things which I've been through-the cuts and wounds. God just placed in my heart a real question, what it really means to concentrate and follow Him. Afterall, I'm in a relationship myself, and that does not mean that I have to drift from God. Then the answer came to me by the Spirit and it all occurred that singlehood is one thing, but loving the Lord wholeheartedly is another. Yet as God made us all differently, it's still better to just concentrate on Him solely than others.

I don't know if I should believe in whatever you said. I really don't know. My heart grieves when I learned of all of this. Yet people around me asked me not to take what you said. The stories you gave were hard to believe, I'm at lost of what to do. I'm not in a very good situation myself, and I really need to ask God about this before I go on. There are too many uncertainties and I'm not sure how to manage this. SIGH. Why? Things used to be better. But now? Sigh.

I'm getting tired. More things coming this week YAWN.

Stephie.

wow.

2006-07-16T00:16:00.000+08:00

When passion fades, the shell may become empty. When it becomes empty, it comes to an end. How sad, how much grief! The truth may seem so painful, but it can be just so true.

The confusion brings you to a point of decision-to stay or to leave. Make your choice. Cry, run, hide. Do whatever you might.

Stephie.

sighhh

2006-07-14T22:24:00.000+08:00

All points converge to one that drives you to consideration, more than just a flame of passion.

Stephie.

regrets

2006-07-13T19:48:00.000+08:00

People tend to not learn how to treasure what they have, often, taking them for granted. When they've lost it, they regret it. They claim they'll learn how to treasure it if it ever comes back to them. Yet when it does, they forget all about what they are supposed to learn again. Amazing fact? Perhaps. Life is just filled with such strange and funny things.

I have so much to say about us. do you wanna hear? I have been holding back so much tears? do you wanna see?

Stephie.

stupid me

2006-07-12T23:12:00.000+08:00

stabs after stabs i keep plunging into myself; one after another.

oh how silly i am.

Stephie.

somewhere.

2006-07-09T21:52:00.000+08:00

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true

Some day I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemondrops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why then, oh why can't I?
Some day I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemondrops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?
_________________________________

As if there were no benefits to lose your voice, look on the BRIGHT side! At least I don't have to answer questions in class tomorrow, and to many things, I can choose to ignore and force myself to shut up cos I can't make any proper sound. I can also pretend I don't have any opinions about anything and keep quiet. SMART? I guess. Heex.

Went for NDP family day yesterday. Okay, none of my family members were performing. Jaan was, however. GOLDFISH! heex. Rachel say Jaan became fatter. =X oops, it's my fault cos I dump all that I don't wanna eat to him. WAHAHA. Anyway, it was fun with the clap-o-sticks. I met up with Jaan after the parade at kallang mac. We hopped onto 985 after Jaan finished all the drinks I bought him. reached home about 11 plus. Thank you my monkey for sending me home!

I had to wake up at 7.30 this morning to go for service. URGH. My body so didn't want to get out of bed, but apparently still managed to do so. I thought I was going to be the only one late since I lived the furthest from expo. But I was WRONG. I turned out second after victrina. LOL. Monkey Jaan cabbed down to church and was nice cos he bought green tea! And I managed to coerce him to buy me fishballs to eat. heex. Nice right? Service was all SO WONDERFUL. was really refreshed by what Rev. Dr. Robb Thompson shared. I must learn to master the laws of relationships. (:

The bunch of us went for prayer meeting after lunch. We waited for the E141 members at expo mrt before making our way to changi airport. AND I SHALL NOT TELL YOU THE REST. =X

Stephie.

updating

2006-07-04T22:24:00.000+08:00

Okay, finally finished editing my history notes. I just keep forgetting to bring them to school for Ms Chia. Haha, I'm so sorry about it. I mean it.

About the muah chee sale thing. Sigh, I guess Rachel is the only one who can understand my views on this issue. Look, I'm not working with 4B because this product was first given to us. 4B's approval was by some boob that probably wanted our 2 classes to fight. And seriously, I don't feel it is fair for a merger. Both groups have different ideas and ways of working. In addition, if they were more concerned about diplomatic ties than the money earned, they wouldn't have told us that ice pops can't earn much so they changed to muah chee. They came and told us so late. It was already after our PDP discussion. I don't see why we should even give way. And if they do know they are in the wrong to have gone ahead with this without approval, they wouldn't have been begging us to give it up to them to do. In addition, they even attempted to rob our idea of coloured muah chee! how despicable can they get! Even though that idea was not approved, it was too much of them to even STEAL it. I mean STEAL. *growing in anger and frustration* Since mel and weiguo they all wants to go ahead with merger, I don't see a need for me to stay in the group. Half, or even whole of 4B is going to involved, why do we need so many people for?! I rather do something constructive in the banana group or bubble tea group. I'm not showing attitude or anything. But rae is right. We have to fight for what is ours. I don't see what's wrong. LOOK, if to you guys, it was 4C or 4D that we are merging with, would you have the same reaction? Seriously, no! It's not diplomatic ties we're talking about now. It's just personal relationships and friendships. I don't get your point at all! If it was our class that took another class' idea, zh would have probably asked us to give up and do sth else. Why are they so "thick-skinned" to beg us to give it to them? URGHX. pissed.

Thanks Rachel. Thanks for hearing me RANT. I'm so angry.

Stephie.

a lil bit

2006-06-27T22:36:00.000+08:00

just a lil update. busy with work.

thanks for the day out baby, love you.

aunt just gave me new lip gloss. she's rich. smells great.

i need more contacts.

and grow less lazy with them.

exchanged for new earphones alrd.

can now hear properly.

upgrading to 3G plan tml.

more mms n video calls.

Stephie.

man

2006-06-25T00:29:00.000+08:00

i forgot to talk abt the blangadesh man who was staring at me on the entire ride home. bleahh..

Stephie.

bleahxx.

2006-06-24T22:45:00.000+08:00

i'm sleepy. no i can't sleep. gonna do hw. shall confess.

I'm not sleepy. I'm not sleepy. I'm not sleepy. I'm not sleepy. I'm not sleepy. I'm not sleepy. I'm not sleepy. I'm not sleepy. I'm not sleepy. I'm not sleepy. I'm not sleepy. I'm not sleepy. I'm not sleepy. I'm not sleepy. I'm not sleepy. I'm not sleepy. I'm not sleepy. I'm not sleepy. I'm not sleepy. I'm not sleepy. I'm not sleepy. I'm not sleepy. I'm not sleepy. I'm not sleepy. I'm not sleepy.

enough? hmmx. okay, so went for svc today. Pastor kong shared abt our potential in God (: great. feel motivated to really unleash this and shine for God. anyway, I'm experiencing pain in my left shoulder joint. it hurts even when I'm just holding my water bottie. sob sob. Lord, heal me. something happened today. hmmx.

too consumed in their masquerade. wrapped in all of the promises that no one seems to keep.

Stephie.

BORED.

2006-06-23T21:54:00.000+08:00

today is super tiring for me. sigh. actually didn't have much spare energy to blog but decided to do so anyway cause I had some deep thoughts today.

okay, so woke up early today for the RV school warming day. YES I know it's crap, but i can't miss it without an MC, sadly. yea. was baking in the sun. anyway, SAJC is super cool. e malan road compound is actually quite fun. oh yea, listened to jiamin's STUPID ghost story abt the art room. (it was actually told by weiguo.) real dumb.

okay, so after that rushed down to jurong west church building for SUPERMAN event. haha. so FUN. xD saw auggie gor gor after svc and was SO EXCITED. i wasn't looking at what jere n maple were talking abt. so thankfully jaan understood. hugs.

the n284 and e141 brothers played soccer after cgm today. haha. super fun. the boys were funny. ESPECIALLY ZHENLIANG. kekeke. he and his stupid dance. LOL. should have taped it down and put on youtube. kekeke. went to buy foodie with jaan at his fav chicken rice stall. jaan bought me the lemon chicken salad chicken rice that I liked to eat. hehe. yum. then we shared a super big gulp from 7-eleven. haha. apparently, the brothers just can't get enough of soccer. when we were just abt to leave, they had a "last game" again. SIGH. balls.

took the bus with the 2 cgs. there was a COCKROACH on the bus. URGHX. though they are God's creation, but yea, you know abt them. all jaan's fault, he kept making all the sisters scream! bleahh. was scared out of my wits. I'm not exactly scared of them, but because they could be camouflaged on the bus carpeting, it made me particularly worried where they could go.

reached boon lay ard 6 plus. decided it was still early, so I took a train with everyone to dhoby there then took 190 home. SIGH. was so pissed off on 190. somehow, I feel that a long bus ride in the night actually can show the ugly side of singaporeans. a lil hopeless. bleahx.

thanks for jaan always being ard to hear me rant about the things I'm so fed up with as well as sharing with me his thoughts and feelings. hugs. xD gonna miss u tml.

Stephie.

mayb

2006-06-19T21:31:00.000+08:00

I can't help but think of the worst. what could have happened? anything.

Stephie.

library

2006-06-19T17:55:00.000+08:00

okay, had my el oral today. haha. the picture was showing some maids cooking curry puff, passage was on Mrs Dharma and Mrs i-forgot-her-name, conversation was about career. Faizad say i did well. HOPEFULLY. it's for prelims lorx. bleah. anway, I was late. it was raining heavily this morning and all the major expressways were jammed. arrived at sajc around 8.33 and I LOST MY WAY! sheesh. the place was just TOO big. not me okay.

after oral, I took 93 with melanie to our old commonwealth campus. oh, b4 i forget, there sajc had BIG TOILETS. *grins* had breakfast at commonwealth mac while waiting for rachel cos she overslept. haha, that girl. yea, so I bought her an apple pie in case she go hungry. say I'M SO NICE! heex. yea, rae came ard 11.07. waited for her to finish her apple pie then we left to queenstown library to do cip. heex. wish me good luck I have 30h to complete by this week. LOL. okay, so she shelved books, i finshed the magazines part quite quicky, except the TAMIL one. I CANT READ TAMIL FOR GOODNESS' SAKE! oh well. so rae and I did till 4, sat at cafe galilee for food. haha. rae had a galilee special spaget and coke, while I had a cup of ice blended mocha and potato chunks. (: YUMMY! heex.

okay, so now I'm back home. gg to bathe my darling now. toodles.

it's my DOG. -___-"

everything burns.

Stephie.

sick and tired-anastcia

2006-06-18T22:26:00.000+08:00

A little late for all the things you didn't say
I'm not sad for you
But I'm sad for all the time I had to waste
'Cause I learned the truth
Your heart is in a place I no longer wanna be
I knew there'd come a day
I'd set you free
'Cause I'm sick and tired
Of always being sick and tired

Your love isn't fair
You live in a world where you didn't listen
And you didn't care
So I'm floating
Floating on air

Oh.. yeah...

No warning of such a sad song
Of broken hearts
My dreams of fairy tales and fantasy, oh
Were torn apart
I lost my peace of mind
Somewhere along the way
I knew there's come a time
You'd hear me say
I'm sick and tired
of always being sick and tired

My love is on the line
My love is on the line
My love is on the line
My love is on the line

My love is on the line

while you were having fun, my mind was made up. GOODBYE.

Stephie.

more than tat

2006-06-18T22:15:00.000+08:00

on second thoughts, I wouldn''t remove this song cos it's so true. sometimes, it's more than just over-reacting. i hate you. and I mean it.

Stephie.

sigh

2006-06-18T19:20:00.000+08:00

mayb I need to manage my own expectations. afterall, all this while, i know what your character and personality is like. and shouldn't always expect you to be that prince charming that I want. OH WELL.

Stephie.

NEW SONG

2006-06-18T10:08:00.000+08:00

heex. new song on my blog. sick and tired by anastacia. heard it while viewing clarice's friendster account. NICE SONG! xD my feet are still hurting quite badly. trying my best not to even walk ard the house. pain lahx! xC school is starting in just a week. bleahhhx.

Stephie.

limping

2006-06-18T00:49:00.000+08:00

apparently, I'm limping around the house like a robot, attempting to exert equal pressure throughout my feet so that they won't hurt so bad. watching some show on channel U now. super sad. the girl the guy love each other but they doubt each other, and cry then parted! sob sob.

Stephie.

svc today!

2006-06-18T00:10:00.000+08:00

today's is father's day weekend connection. (: had lots of fun at svc today! haha. peixuan, peiying, rita, nasia, and EVERYONE ELSE just rawk. haha. ohhh...had FT 1 lesson 2 today. xD nice. learned abt the importance of what God's Word can do to our lives.

okay, so we didn't win. SIGH. we finished earlier than rui's team! but were much slower in submitting the answer. OH WELL. sheesh. service was great today. and now my feet are still hurting. I hate being flat foot, but I have no choice. it gets bad when u don have proper shoes and walk a LOOONG way. meitong ask me to soak them in essential oils or sth. I guess I'll try. haha. better than nothing. keep my nice feet in prayers though.hehe.

I'm so tired! yawn yawn. xC my bro is still not home yet. mummy is sleeping on the sofa and boyboy is worried. baaahx.

Stephie.

da vinci decode

2006-06-16T22:46:00.000+08:00

woohoo! today is WL zone combined cgm and the day that we play da vinci decode, a game carefully planned by our wonderful cell group leaders! x) tell u, it's SUPER DUPER FUN~! (but tiring).Yawn...hahaha.

firstly in the afternoon, we had our cgm at jurong west children church room. we played games, praised and worshiped. then sis wenling shared on the importance of fellowship. yep, was motivated to really spend time with God as well as my dearest cell group members and let us sharpen one another and grow in the Lord. (:

okay, so after the meeting, we got into groups to play the game. cos our cg only had 12 ppl today, we got into three groups:

1. Jaanmeng
jeremy
maple
johnathan
2. James
peixuan
michelle
gabriel
3. ME! xD
ignasia
rita
victrina

okie, a lil messy huh. haha. anyway, my team started out quite okay, but when it ended up at the soduku station, we ended up LAST to reach. but lo and behold, we were fast in finishing the squares and in no time, we were flying off. (: haha. tired as we were making rounds and rounds ard the same places, we took a cab to victoria concert hall near empress place. james they all got lost cos e uncle didn't know his way. OH YA, guess what, both our groups took the cabs at the same place, same time, but their surcharge was only $1 whereas ours was $2! how unfair was that!! sobbie sobbie..yea, one of the stations was to find out who the poet who wrote this was:

"in the hallways of knowledge and wisdom, lies the last words of a great man. Truly, the pen is mightier than the sword. Sadly, in 1941 did his life end."

well oh well, who would expect this poet to be a CHINESE! urghx. desperation. i mean, i really thought it was some englishman or sth....bleahh.oh well. so my group was a lil late to reach the memorial park. but anyway, we were the 4th to finish the puzzle and submit our answers! hopefully tml we might be able to win sth when the leaders announce the results. (:
p.s: the video done by the leaders were SUUPPER funny. almost fell off my chair. heex.

after that, we waited for our the rest of our members to come to memorial park and end of the game b4 making our way to suntec for dinner. had mac. jere n jaan ate 20 piece nuggets, while I shared my mcspicy with jaan. maple ate a mchicken. YUM. was super full. haha. and THIRSTY. u see, the game made us warm, sweaty, thirsty, and hungry. bleahhx. but it was FUN.

when dinner was done, maple suggested gg to the fountain of wealth, so our cg went together. haha. James, john and gab were SUPER nice. they went to write sth to be shown on the laser at the fountain. there it read, "to n284 sisters, from n284- love you all" haha. short but sweet. and apparently, my sweetest and cutest jaan also went to dedicate a song, and wrote sth that was shown on the laser. it was SOOO sweet! hahax. though a lil *ahem* but oh well, its the thought that counts yea? love you lots. and the word "amaz" as in "ahmahs" but jeremy wanted to write amazing. all jere's fault, ruined jaan's msg. HAHAH. xP

okie, so i took a train home and jaan sent me home as usual. came home, tired! i took a long COLD WATER BATH!!! heex. meitong say it makes my skin smooth and appear like i'm hairless. but it's unfair cos jaan uses warm water all the time and he is just as "bald" on his arms as I am! bleahhh.

had fun. tired. N284 you guys RAWK. thanks rita, nasia, and victrina for making it all so fun. thanks Jaan too. You ppl r the best. MUACKS!

Stephie.

jojo-bee

2006-06-15T23:17:00.000+08:00

went to my grandma's house just now! love grandma soo much. jojo-bee was there!!! u can't believe how adorable this kid can be. xD haha. love playing with him! haha. he loves the camera, and especially, digital cameras and handphones. oh well, kids of the next generation.

Stephie.

so bad

2006-06-15T12:34:00.000+08:00

sitting here, looking through everything on the net, memories hit me again. the ppl i missed, regardless was it calvin, levon or my dearest 6a, my heart was filled with so much sorrow and regrets. sometimes in life, there are many things you can't undo. tears just flow, i get sad, and i cry. simple. but tears are one thing, e emotional struggle is another. some days being alone, i just missed the times i spent together with those ppl, the fun n laughter we had together. cause of calvin, I don dare to go for 6a gatherings, i tried, kevin knows, and it's hard. mayb. i try to run n i try to hide. i dare not look back and what the young and immature me have caused to my own life. I dare not talk to jiawen cos of levon, I want, and of cos dearly, tried to salvage this friendship, but the coldness and rejection i fear puts me off. i'm not stupid. sometimes, I do know why some things you say are put in some manner. but I just pretend that i don't and forget abt it.

Lord, take this all away from me. my heart burns, my soul cries, but unto You i lift my heartbreaks and brokenness. Holy Spirit come and embrace me and heal me. i need You.

For His anger is but for a moment,
His favor is for life;
Weeping may endure for a night,
But joy comes in the
morning.
Psalm 30:5

Stephie.

so full

2006-06-14T22:42:00.000+08:00

nice mummy (:

2006-06-13T22:55:00.000+08:00

i have a wonderful mummy. haha. she just bought me a mixer I've been desiring for so long! which means more baking for me! haha. poor jaanmeng. *grins* LOL. it doesnt mean I'm not a good cook, just tat he'd have to eat them and would get him fat. heex. currently baking chocolate brownies! heex. new oven, new mixer, good food. haha. but I wanna make cookies! cookies rules. haha. (:

today went michelle's house for lunch. had chicken baked rice and mashed potatoes! haha...I helped to make e mashed potatoes. heex. (: fun. had a nice time slacking there with e members. poor jaan was having a fever. hope he's alright now.

i want a 512mb card like maple's. sighh.

Stephie.

new phone

2006-06-12T23:35:00.000+08:00

okays. I've got my dream phone. new plan, new number. apparently, the nokia 6280 isn't all that I expected it to be. jere say can't load sims n soduku. bleahx. tat had been what i was waiting for. it doesn't have anything much within that fascinates me cos the themes in the phone really sucked. but I guess the only thing that appealed to me was the design of the phone. x) I PAID $287 for it can. plus, I'm going to be responsible for the full sum of my monthly bills so now I'll have to cut down on my expenses. oh well, that's responsibility that comes with age. haha. x)

anyway, my new number is 91190765.

Stephie.

grieved

2006-06-08T22:58:00.000+08:00

so many things happened.

today was dasiree's stepfather's cremation. the moment me, jaan, jere n maple reached there, dasiree came running to me n maple and started crying real hard. in my spirit, i felt burdened. I know the Holy Spirit grieved, and I couldn't help feeling so sad, and even broke down. looking at her mum, it hurts looking at how tough it would be for her to take up the responsibility of the family, without the support of her dearest husband. the kids were so young and throughout the funeral, they apparently don't seem to know what's gg on at all and still having fun. naive and innocent these kids were and my heart just sank looking at them.even for dasiree, it wouldn't be easy for her at all. she had been close to her stepfather and the pain of losing a loved one is simply unbearable. looking at her mum being burdened and so upset, she couldn't help but feel helpless and not knowing what to do other than trying to comfort her. oh how the Holy Spirit grieved.

feeling upset. my phone is confiscated. so if i reply, i reply. if i don't, means no more phone. oh parents.

Stephie.

psalm 23

2006-06-07T23:21:00.000+08:00

The LORD is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD
Forever.

thanks jon. xD

Stephie.

tears

2006-06-06T08:19:00.000+08:00

it's been quite a few months now. and I still miss you. everytime things that remind me of you flash before my mind, tears would flow. I tried holding back. but there was nothing I could do. how i wish I tell you how much I'm gg through, share my burdens with you. I miss hearing you comforts, leaning on ur shoulder, or even just rotting over at your place. it took me 2 years to let go of a good friend like calvin, but how long you it take to let go of a bestest friend like you? so many things happen ard me, and I wish, it could be like the past, when it used to be, you'd tell me your opinions of wat i should do, scold him, comfort me. but it's all gone. gone for ever.

my heart is sunken. I know I've made a choice. but all a sudden, it makes me feel like retreating all over again. I feel like running away. all alone. without you.

Stephie.

pondering

2006-06-05T19:08:00.000+08:00

sometimes spending time alone is good. (: lotsa things crossed my mind on the bus ride on 190 back from dhoby ghaut.

things around us change rapidly. now that things turn out this way, would you ever regret your choice of casting him aside, trampling onto him like he's worth nothing, and telling ppl around how much you hate him cos he sucks? if you supposedly love him, would you ever do sth like tat? how on earth could you harden your heart and spite him? would you feel upset if you learn of what things are now? well, but even if you do, it'd all be too late then. why do ppl usually don't treasure the things around them? isn't it weird? we always learn n tell ourselves that we must not wait till the time comes when we lose our precious things when we start to treasure but it's always easier said, never done. haha.

i don't want things fabricated. i don't want to write testimonials for myself through your account cos you never bother writing any for me. I don't want to give you things that you say you'd like and treasure but cast it aside and nv to touch it again. I rather have them back. seriously. mayb you are shy, dono how to express love. but arent hints obvious enough yet? it's almost 2 long years alrd lorx. sigh.

a bus ride can give me deep thoughts eh? I love times like that though. x) was on the bus listening to breathe.

breathe into my soul
Spirit of God
fill my life with Your presence
hide under Your shadow
dwell in Your secret place
its You i long to know

Stephie.

emerge 2006

2006-06-04T22:44:00.000+08:00

the busy week has finally ended with the end of the emerge conference 2006. didn't manage to turn up for most sessions though, only went on friday and yesterday. but it was cool. on friday, kelly poon, junyang and taufik came to perform. yesterday, Sun came to perform. AWESOME NIGHTS! screamed my head off cheering for SOUTH. haha..rawking on. congrats to the SA boys for winning the soccer challenge! haha..N284 rawks too. gonna bug jere n jaan to treat me...hehehx. what Pastor Kong shared really blew me off. desiring so much to be like Daniel, Esther, and Jabez, ppl of great destiny and influence.

ystd at the soccer finals, spent time talking to ppl. and suddenly it came to me that friends are impt and the time of ppl we hang out with can determine what we become. but if we become ppl of influence like what Pastor Tan says, we can determine what our friends will become. it doesnt matter what they have done or what they were like. I rmbed when meitong taught me that accepting others is not approval of their lifestyles. we must learn to differ btw the two or we'll make mistakes, grave mistakes. love is acceptance. it's when you accept someone and disapprove of their lifestyle when you begin to attempt to influence and change them. sigh.

anyway, px n mich owe me baked rice! hmph. and jaan is still out...baaaahx...I'm bored. there's still physics lesson early tml morning. how crap can it get? sigh. gotta work hard for the O's. bleahx...

Stephie.

TIRED

2006-05-31T22:56:00.000+08:00

had been so busy i have to say. finally got time to blog. phew. the week is not ending yet and it's really going to drain me out this entire week going to school and attending emerge. going to get not enough rest. pray that the Lord will sustain me. amen.

x) realised everyone in class is so hardworking, and I'm broke. no money go shopping. sob sob... tired now. shall go do homework. toodles. will update again.

you try to run, but it hurts when u seem so near yet so far my pal.

Stephie.

tears`

2006-05-25T18:20:00.000+08:00

Overwhelmed with fear, i picked up the phone
and dialed the most familiar number.
hoping to hear your comforting voice
that'd clear away all unease.
yet what i got was far from comfort
all that scolding that you gave to me.
I felt my heart sank a little
but held on to the phone.
the other voices that i heard
made my heart shattered
conversations I wished I had not heard.
the differences in tone made me waver
and hung up the phone.
I didn't realise the tears came back to me
and I let them rolled down my cheeks.
SIGH.

anyway, friendships are precious. wadeva it is, try not to give it up for anything. it hurt when u pretended that I was absent.

Stephie.

gossip

2006-05-24T21:10:00.000+08:00

For thus sayeth the Word of God in the book of Proverbs:

These six things the LORD hates,
Yes, seven are an abomination to Him:
A proud look,
A lying tongue,
Hands that shed innocent blood,
A heart that devises wicked plans,
Feet that are swift in running to evil,
A false witness who speaks lies,
And one who sows discord among brethren.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
And those who love it will eat its fruit.

Indeed, he who gossips shall eat of his fruit and the result of sin is death. Always remember how meitong and barry talked to me about this topic. how I was transformed by God and inclined my ears to learn of this. It made me realise that gossips can break up bonds in the House of God. moreover, it makes us no different from people in the world if we're just like them, not filled with love, that would deter people from coming to us for fear of whatever is said will not be kept secret. we're here in the House of God, not any other clubs or societies, this makes us different from others. The consequences are tough. repent, or you shall perish-says the Word.

Stephie.

PISSED

2006-05-23T19:29:00.000+08:00

i'm writing this because I'm freaking damn pissed with ms eu. I ostracise you. how can you insult my mother? just because my mum thinks that going to polytechnic is okay doesn't mean that I won't work hard! how can u call my mother "this kind of mother"? what is that supposed to mean? every mother loves her child. I know I'm not doing that well in school. and my mum understands. my mum made a mistake abt my bro, and she doesnt want to same to happen to me. how can you insult her like that?! she's my MOTHER. and I LOVE HER. just because you're not a mother doesn't give you the right to say about my mum. Wadeva is her point of view, and how she wants to educate me, it's OUR family problem. what right do you have to comment on my mother. every child loves her mother. I ostracise you, because you've hurt my family pride, and you hurt my mum. most of all, you hurt me. I forgave you for your hypocrisy when you did that last year. and now you came up with the same crap. so what if you're a teacher? you're NOT a mother, and you won't understand how a mother feels. SCRAM. i won't allow you to hurt my mum cause she's the BEST MUM the Lord gave me. SHOO.

Stephie.

tired.

2006-05-21T21:33:00.000+08:00

I'm so tired. ystd went sentosa for cg outing. then this morning woke up super early for service. yawn yawn. feeling sleepy. shan't go into the details at the beach, but the waves we AWESOME! hahax...got sunburnt lorx..hehe. except the cheeks! cos peixuan was nice to put sunblock for me! lalala..played volleyball also..fun fun...xD muscle aching all over...sighh.

the Word was great today. Pastor shared that virtue is not innocence, but innocence tested. it's true, that by banning and disallowing things around us are not the solutions to issues as they will just cause us to be more rebellious to know abt it, as well as making us more naive.

my darling boy boy is sick. he vomitted today. when I came home from church, there were at least 10 puddles everywhere the house and I was so grieved and sad that I started crying. i love you boy. bringing him to the vet tml. (:

I'm disgusted when I learned about what you did. thank God I didn't take what you said. I wasn't deceived. however bad he may be to me, he's much better than you in ALL ways. and I love him. at least I know he mean most of what he said.

I hate you. it's because of you. that the juniors are upset. the leaders are in a tough position. if it wasn't for you, everything would be alright. why? why must I see my past renacting before myself? I know how you feel. but has it made you shut your doors. OH LORD, open it so i can help. God made me go through it to help you in the similar circumstance. let me my dear girl. please.

Stephie.

2006-05-15T21:13:00.000+08:00

was surfing the net when I happened to chance upon Pastor Kong preaching on this Christian Men's Conference 2001. Pastor shared abt the below:

Evangelistic setback
Relationship setback
Marriage setback
Ministry setback
Destiny setback

Pastor talked abt the need for men in the church to rise up as a church filled with men tends to draw both men and women as compared to a church filled with women due to how God has made us to be. He also said that it takes years to rise up ppl to become ministers and there is a need for men to rise up as if women are always in the lead, then when they leave on maternity leave etc, a big problem occurs. even though rising up isn't an overnight affair, but with a willingness to serve the Lord, it wouldn't then pose as a problem.

Stephie.

TAMAGOTCHI

2006-05-12T21:37:00.000+08:00

heheheeh..I bought my TAMAGOTCHI V3..nanananana...kekeke... here's how it looks like:

don't ask me why it's PINK. haha..my mum asked me not to get a blue one, cos my bro has it. so Toy 'R' Us only had tat 2 colours, so yea. it's apparently pink. Jaan bought one today. it's white n PINK. don't believe him if he says it's mine. LOL. I named my tamagotchi after JAANMENG. hahah..super funny. it's like him. eat a lot..kekek. within one day, it evolved from the above to this:

its a young mimitchi...looks like a chunli. haha and yes, it's sleeping. went for dinner with my parents just now..was on the car when i took a photo of the moon.

the image isn't exactly tat clear so yea...xD SO BORED. shall study for vl quiz later. waiting for jaan to come home to chat with me on the phone. this week is Pastor Phil's conference! all so excited. heeheex...X) bought new shirts just now...lala..about 3 of them..kekekx...

Stephie.

sad..very sad

2006-05-06T23:09:00.000+08:00

Pastor Casey Treat's svvc was great and fun. next week will be even better cos Pastor Phil will be here! haha..dasiree sabrina peh and jacqueline teo yayuan got water baptised at the jurong west water baptism pool today! *woots!* can't wait for my turn! haha...anyway, my exams are FINALLY over. waiting for bingrong to come over tml morning so tat I can load my sims 2 nightlife and slack! kekeke...

taking into account of what happened before svc, it really broke my heart, to hear those very words from you which made me slip deep into my thoughts thinking what I had said or done to make u so mad. i felt the warm drop of tear running down my cheek and i held back the rest before everyone else, but during praise and worship, my broken heart just felt that it needed to be released, and God came and met my need, filling my heart with His everlasting love and making it whole again. My tears fell uncontrollably before such a great God and my heart was soft for Him.

completed my vl (finally) today. e ride home was tough, listening to my mp3, i can't help but let my emotions run with every word present in the songs. i love you so, but it was hard, so hard to accept the facts that I was stupid, gullible, and got hurt again. i kept asking myself why, whether I could forgive you, but i held no answers to all of questions. it was extremely challenging to come to consensus with it and I haven't done so. it's hard to put all of this emotions into words, but I know God can see it, for he looks beyond, into my heart that no one gets to touch. tat's all I'm left with, too hurt to say anything much.

Stephie.

nightmare

2006-05-01T09:15:00.000+08:00

I had a bad dream last night.

dreamt that was at sentosa with jiamin and others, then when we just reached, dark clouds came and it was abt to rain. so we ran over to the shelter where the lifeguards were. suddenly, the white clouds gathered and form a shelter to guard us against the rain, enclosing the area. somehow, jiamin n me saw through the wall of cloud and noticed how the dark clouds consumed the sun, bringing the beach to total darkness. i was bored cause there wasn't anything to see outside, so I took out my camera from my bag and wanted to take a picture of the cloud that was surrounding us. i took 2 without flash but couldn't see anything. so i clicked on flash and took another. after it was done, i viewed it and got the shock out of my life. There was a female ghost floating above! i turned behind and wanted to tell my friend abt it. but I realised she had the same green eyes and long hair as the ghost in the pic. Scared out of my wits. had goosebumps all over and I couldn't even finish one sentence in tongues properly. it felt so real. suddenly the door opened. there came Jaan n my cousin. heaved and went over to tell him what happened. by now, the female ghost has already possessed the guy next to her. so we all went over, every single one of us in the room went over and prayed strongly in the spirit, casting her out. I thought she was gone fo good, but after a while did I realise that she gave me an image that though she and her friends have gotten out of him, they went separate ways to possess all my friends. then as a result, my brother started persecuting th Christians. killing ant torturing them. my mum didn't allow him to harm me though. then I woke up.

xC i hate nightmares. I'm having a phobia. might not use a camera for long.

Stephie.

sighh

2006-04-30T14:27:00.000+08:00

it was when I realised I could no longer hold back the tears I've been trying so hard to. There in the presence of my Most Holy God, I fell on my knees, tears rolling down my cheeks, reminded of the simple heartache that had been in my heart for the past few months. I tried to make it on my own, and didn't turn to God, but there and then, He found my broken heart, took it and mend it. He knew why, even though I didn't say. and there is none comparable to Him. Lord, I love You so.

I'm whining. cos of jaanmeng. I waited a year plus for this bible sale so that I could get the black leather bible that I want. SIGH. and then. he DIDN'T buy it. cos he came late for svc, and told me after svc then buy. in the end, we didn't go after svc, and he said his friend would get for us today. and so, another empty promise. URGHX. fine. shan't get angry anymore. hmph. shall stop whining.

staying home today, stuck with a math. urghx. exams.

Stephie.

2006-04-26T23:27:00.000+08:00

COLD BROKEN DOWN WORLD.

Stephie.

a thousand whys

2006-04-23T17:22:00.000+08:00

after all these while being in n284, I still miss those days in e141. the bonds of the cg, the love of the family of God.it was just awesome. somehow, now, things are different. I did my best with what the Holy Spirit directed me to, though not perfect, but I did my best to keep things and relationships in the light of God. I'll rmb what Barry told me, that as long as a relationship is in the light of God, it will certainly last. but what made these ties break that now I no longer feel the warmth of being together? I try to connect, but I found myself pleasing men to fit in. stuck. There are times, I feel so ostracised, of which I've never really felt so after being in the House of God for so long. and sometimes, it just hurts so badly. I love gg to cgm & svc, but at times it's just for God and God alone, no other reasons. Revive me dear Lord, change me. Help me. My enemies are against me and You're the only one who can save me, heal me, ressurrect me. All isn't gg to matter, my treasures are up there in Heaven and not on earth. amen.

Stephie.

so sorry

2006-04-22T12:49:00.000+08:00

I just wanna apologise on behalf of jeremy to the 4F girls. he's just like tat. I'm so sorry. and he's not my bf.

Sighhh.

wondering where conference room 3 is. gg for bs later

Stephie

weird

2006-04-19T21:45:00.000+08:00

isn't this weird? this soured friendship has suddenly becoming irritating to me. the more you attempt to run and hide, the worse it gets towards me. I feel disgusted, I feel irritated. why can't you do something about what you want YOURSELF? is it that hard? YOU'RE SO UNBELIEVABLE.

sgem today. success or not I shall not comment but everything went well...so pretty much yea. dorothy won top 20 best speakers for JGs. so we're gg for the finals on friday i think. SERANGOON JC. you have NO idea how far that is. LOLX.

adding on, the exams are just next week. so much hw to be done for class, so little time to revise work, so much things to study. STRESSED OUT.

Stephie.

school visiting

2006-04-18T19:41:00.000+08:00

meitong and sister wenling came to school today to visit waimin and me. but waimin was busy so they left after a little while.

After el, I went to tpy to find jeremy they all to study. but sth happened so since I was already on my way, I just met jere for a meal then sent him to yishun mrt cos his card was confiscated. feel so bad lahx! must repent. so meanwhile went northpoint to buy clear plastic to wrap my books. I think they are rotting even before I'm taking my Os. hahax. so after that took the train home.

I can't believe tears was flowing down my cheeks on the way home. I thought after so long, it really didn't matter to me anymore. yet when sis wenling asked me, I couldn't answer her at all. it felt real bad. like today, you still can't face me, you still use huimin to talk to me and sms me, but I didn't expect things to turn out this way even after you backslided. I was willing to set aside everything, to be just a normal buddy to you like how we used to be. but you went into denial and ran away, so far that I can't see you. why? I always asked, I asked God, I asked my leaders. I was shattered. but one thing I nv regret, that I did bring you to Christ, that I fulfilled what God had asked me to do. the rest didn't matter. though I'm sad that this friendship has come to an abrupt end, there isn't much that I can do but pray that God will one day restore this relationship. I miss you. I miss all the fun and tears we shared. the forgiveness you gave. but it's all over. over now.

mugging for mid-years.

Stephie.

cgm

2006-04-07T21:06:00.000+08:00

today's cgm was great. during worship, meitong laid hands and prayed for me, she said that God has called me and has a purpose for me, that the Lord may heal all the wounds in my heart and bring me to fulfill my purpose. Was so touched by God that tears trickled down my cheeks. God is healing my heart and I can feel Him, so strongly, but I need total healing. from Him, my Lord. Indeed, God has called, not just me, but all of us for a purpose. and at times, we tend to deviate from where we are suppose to go cos we're not perfect. including myself. but what matters most is how we walk back to the right track and continue moving. I believe in God. X)

Stephie.

rain

2006-04-05T20:08:00.000+08:00

Walked home in the rain today. I just love the rain. Every single drop that falls onto me, keeping me alive, waking me up from all my unrealistic dreams. thinking of the times that we were such great pals. I can never forget those time the two of us spent together, even three. your house or mine. we always made so much fun out of it all. but those days aren't here to stay. Things have passed for so long, and I've moved on, but the look in your eyes stays the same. They somehow refuse to make contact with mine, as though you're running away from something. the other you is the same as well. Why? is it that hard to move on? is it that hard to let go? then why did you people make those decisions in the first place. I've been hurt by the both of you, but now that things have blown over for so long, all I desire is the friendships, the friendships to be mended. But mayb it's also right, our phases of friendship is over. I believe in what God has in stall for me. :)

want a new phone, but there doesn't seem to be a phone that is nice enough lehx...hmph. wanna eat longan.

Stephie.

HAPPY.

2006-03-31T20:58:00.000+08:00

didn't manage to go for cgm today cos el ended around 6. was walking home when jeremy called to ask me why I didn't turn up for cgm. I spoke to barry and guess what barry told me?

I GOT INTO THE QUARTERFINALS FOR SPELLING BEE!!!!

unbelievable eh? hahahx...SUPER happy. xD keke. anyway, had been ultra tired these days. hw had been quite a chore, but lessons are SUPER FUN. LOLX. cos lotsa teachers have to go for ev, so they aren't around for lessons. next week mon to wed even more fun. hehe..cos the sec3s are off to adventure camp, so we get to end school earlier...hahahx...slack.

Stephie.

cold water bath

2006-03-26T19:38:00.000+08:00

hehx. I LOVE COLD WATER BATH. x) nothing beats a cold water bath after a tired day. sounds weird eh? haha. many people would enjoy warm water bath, cause it allows them to soothe their senses and tense muscles. but strangely, it works otherwise for me. LOLX. Just don't like warm water bath. cold water bath makes me clearer, more sensitive, more relaxed and calm. :) so bored at home. can't do math ws cos I didn't go to school on friday. OH YA. I baked cookies and muffins on friday. brought em to church ystd. everyone said was nice. :) jaan n kevin were so funny abt the cookies. michelle and peixuan promised to cook baked rice for me and teach me how to do it as well. HEEX. swensens style. lolx. watching tv. feeling hungry.XC

Stephie.

2006-03-26T14:37:00.000+08:00

bored. staying home today.a decision I can't make. my heart is doubtful. and I am putting myself on the line to believe whatever you said. an sms cannot trigger whatever that is happening and will happen. but it's all that has happened that will accumulate. we've all learned in history haven't we. you've changed. different. no longer the one that I used to know. all a sudden I realise I don't know you at all. I feel transparent before you. yet in you I see nothing. how is this going to salvaged, can we work it out. don't be like how u always, promise me things you never fulfill or even attempt to do so. I still love you. but I just don't know. make me believe that we can work out. it seems so hard to.

Stephie.

maybe?

2006-03-24T18:11:00.000+08:00

perhaps. it's time to let go. i can't forgive what you've done to me. I can't let go and I can't forgive. I am trying, but why isn't things working. LORD, teach me.
Stephie.

ill

2006-03-24T12:45:00.000+08:00

didn't go to school again today. was having a high fever last night that I woke up at one, shivering. woke my mum up who gave me some medicine and put me to bed with a wet cloth on my forehead and socks on my feet. I even had to cover myself with 2 layers of blanket. went to see the doctor today. UTI. my suspicions confirmed. bleahx. still hurting now. having fever. xC can't go cg today becos of that. xC BY HIS STRIPES, I AM HEALED.

Stephie.

not feeling well

2006-03-21T21:56:00.000+08:00

Ms bose brought e debaters to Swensens at Holland today. We ate a regular earthquake, a platter of calamari rings, garlic pita, and fries. Ritchell ordered a plate of baked rice which looked SUPER tempting. hahax..only me, waimin and dorothy went and the three of us had so much fun! x) ate so full. Thank God I didn't eat at all in the day, though I was having gastric. Anyway, my tummy still hurts now, I think cos of the illness and my throat is swollen and swallowing hurts. xC my back isn't getting any better either. bleahx. by His stripes I am healed. :) believing in the healing power of God.

now you don't care anymore. I saw this coming. I knew you weren't going to fulfill what you said.

Stephie.

SPELLING BEE

2006-03-19T22:03:00.000+08:00

wooo...so tired. didn't really sleep last night...was waking up time and time again to check my phone. woke up early to go for svc today. actually I went for ystd's but James said since I was gg for spelling bee, then ted gg svc, we all meet him and go. so officially woke up at 7 so went to bathe and everything. then on the way down to expo, at around 8 plus, James smsed me and told me that he can't make it for svc cos he overslept n just woke up. So yea, I had to go for svc with ted. Brother Mark sang better today than ystd. hahax..enjoyed svc though was really sleepy.

After svc, went for lunch. brought ted to Rocky Master cos I wanted to study for spelling bee. then cos he only got 2 bucks, I treated him to lunch, thinking that promotion was still on. then I realised now the usual price of $7.80 per plate is back!! urghx. so xin tong. oh well. order liao so didnt really have much of a choice. James soon came over n joined us. He bought some fruit tea from rocky master and it really sucked. haha...tasted like some diluted grape solution and it cost $3.30. BAD CHOICE FOR LUNCH TODAY.

After that went to walk around the few halls that were having activities. hmmx. a guy came over did a survey on the three of us, and asked if we wanted to become like Jeanette Aw etc, oh wadeva, if they can really then I wouldn't mind. LOLX. was having fun with the CRAZY FROG soft toy. ding ding dididing baam bamm baam baaa baaa baamm... kekekx..

ted left around 2 plus. James and I went for spelling bee at around 4. HARD. it was cos the pronouncer was making funny intonnations here and there. so..haha..wadeva it shall be lahx. =) AIRCON FREEZING COLD. after that went home. actually wanted to go find my baby, budden he go ministry and spelling bee started late. so didn't.
came home, and realised I'm having a bad sore throat and fever. caught my baby's illness...haha..xP. still have a lot of hw...xC

I LOVE YOU MY BABY.

Stephie.

the old days.

2006-03-16T10:51:00.000+08:00

reminiscing of the old days, when I suddenly realised and was so convinced that I will never be able to get them back again. those days that there were only you and me now seemed so far away. listening to boa-everlasting.

Stephie.

oh well.

2006-03-14T22:14:00.000+08:00

the world is tempting. I've seen people leaving the kingdom of God for the world and their lives took at 360degrees turn. Life was much better and they were enjoying it. but I realised, that the devil is really not that nice. He brings you out to have fun when in reality, he's making you enjoy as much as you can for the time being and when ur life ends under his plan and gets banished to Hell, he'll torture and torment you. On the contrary, the kingdom of God holds sth different for me. though serving God can get real tough at times, but it's always an assurance from God that my treasures are up there in heaven and not on Earth. and I love Him.

el camp today. I know it's not that wonderful cause it's not like an overnight camp but the exco really pushed for it but wasn't possible because ms dora lee is injured and sadly can't be around. it was tiring today, running about the whole day in such weather. urghx. haha. i guess I was more dehydrated than tired. anyway, today's activities allowed me to work on some broken friendships and it was good. though at times, I was rather pissed off with some ppl because of their attitude and unwillingness to serve. oh well...diff ppl have diff perspective of things.

I just realised I haven't touched on my spelling bee list for 2 days. oh no. must rmb to study tml. tml must do hw. =) probably meeting the debators and gg out with ms bose. dono what's the plan but I know I'm gg to study..LOLX. a bit lame.

Stephie.

familiar

2006-03-13T21:28:00.000+08:00

i took a ride on that familiar bus that brought me to that very familiar bus stop that I'd always find myself at almost everyday after school.
there was something different, something weird about this familiarity.
I walked that same route to that house.
this time, my heart was thumping extremely fast.
I felt nervous, mixed, and all that.
struggling within, I dono what to do.
I didn't know if I wanna continue walking anymore.
but I did.
unwillingly, willingly, I dono.
that house key lying in my wallet felt like jumping out
but somehow I kept it in.
you weren't home.
I felt my heart sank.
I took the ring in my palm and I left that place, saddened.
I'm not so sure if i wanna go back there ever again.
I'm not so sure if u ever want me back there again.
memories do suck.

Stephie.

2006-03-11T23:39:00.000+08:00

I finally found some courage to continue with what I was doing to A the past few days. A is angry now and I hope it'd work. i'm sorry.

Stephie.

debates rd3

2006-03-10T22:00:00.000+08:00

round 3 has ended tonight. It has also marked my last proper debates tournament in 2006. Time flies. I could still remember the day that I first started my debating career, a young and immature girl who stutters everytime she opens her mouth and even trembling when just talking in front of elgina, mag and adrian. Victory was sweet and defeats were bitter. At times, I blamed myself for the defeat of a debate, but the seniors were the ones who constantly reminded me that I AM in a TEAM-not individual. defeats made me resent debates and I did, in sec2, refused to touch debates for the entire year. In contrary, debates made me reflective as an individual and turned me to be more mature, more concerned about current affairs and more eloquent. Memories of the times I've spent with debaters are perhaps the greatest memories that I have ever had. From ritchell, sherman, jaqueline, elgina, sharon, adam, winnie, dorothy, kenyan, waimin, natalie, wendy, magdeline, adrian, ms shireen, ms regina, ms bose to ms lee. Each one of you have crossed my life in one way or another and moulded me fron within. debates was my passion and will always be. though we had failed so many times under the harsh conditions of JGs, defeats are the best way to sucess and we MUST pick ourselves up. We walked into the room as a team and win or lose, we'll walk out of the room as a team. We can do better, have faith, just like how I have in you guys. =)

Waimin.
this time is more relaxed for you yea? But we're not slack. =) I'll always believe in you potential as a third and you need, too, believe in yourself. you're volatile and are able to adapt easily to many different speaker roles. I'm so proud of you and your maturity. it was fun having you around.

Kenyan.
know you were very tensed today. hmmx. I know exactly how it feels, having so much to say but as though as there is so little time for you to complete your speech and as a result being unable to complete your speech. don't worry. use this as an experience to change yourself. no one is born with such talent. not even me. keep on trying, searching and I'm sure you'll be able to do so much better. YOU HAVE THE POTENTIAL.

Dorothy.
It was wonderful making fun of your name throughout the entire debate preparation. haha. dora lee, dotthy and dorothy-elmo's goldfish. don't cry le worx. I know you did what you could during the debate and being the opposition, it is always full of shocks. We need to learn how to tackle it and eventually with sufficient practice, nothing will be too impossible. I love the way you resemble sharon and it really brought back fond memories of how we used to be together.

Natalie.
Don't blame yourself anymore. it's not you fault. Like what I said, we enter as a team and leave as a team. win or lose, we're still a team. with that, work together. Don't tell me you can't make it, don't tell me you suck. I have the faith in you and I have, certainly, seen you improve over the past 1 year. We all make mistakes and when I was much younger, I hated being commented by elgina and seeing my junior getting praised. But it's learning through my mistakes that really made me a better speaker. don't give up okay? =)

rvdebates06. I'm so proud of you guys. we are a team and will always be. though I don't know when will it be the next time that I ever come into contact with debates again, but I promise I'll never leave this passion or cast it aside. its me and the team. its the debates spirit.

wendy came back with this ex-nanyang-current-njip-kid. her name is rachel and she's totally so gross. she came and insulted rv like nth and commented that they should pity on US who are taking O levels. I wanted to rebut her but I decided to give face to wendy so I didn't. I just wanna let her know, no matter how much I dislike rv, it's still my school, where I study in. so don't ever try to insult me. at least not in front of me.

you're so predictable. mayb my choice to leave was right. perhaps I should stick to it.

Stephie.

sigh..

2006-03-09T19:50:00.000+08:00

A is someone.

I guess A will never understand why I did what I did. One day A will, but I guess not now. I know A must be hating me and wondering over my actions, but perhaps this is the best way. the more A hates me, the easier it would be for A to get over the pain.

bear with it steph. it's gonna have to hurt, I guess I'm gonna have to cry. but oh well. hang in there.

Stephie.

maybe.

2006-03-08T21:07:00.000+08:00

pms

2006-03-07T21:53:00.000+08:00

sometimes. just getting moody. pms-ing. life can be so contradictory at times. I dono what's wrong with me. I miss you my friend. I do. all the good times that we had are coming back to me. I need to get over this. Lord, help me. memory is a powerful tool of the devil to deviate us from where we are heading. I need to be clear of where I'm gg. God will bring me. I have faith. =)

Had been having a persistent headache for the past few days. should go see a doc soon. having cross-country tml. don't feel like gg at all. ohh well...studying.

Stephie.

tired

2006-03-05T22:54:00.000+08:00

feeling really tired and ill. gg to sleep. headache, flu, sore throat, cough, fever. bleahx..

Stephie.

sick.

2006-03-05T00:50:00.000+08:00

feeling real sick with a sore throat and bad flu. As a result of my mucus blocking my nose, I'm having asthma attacks that I've not gotten for years. got my Ventolin Evohaler with me.*sneeze* xC shall be healed in Jesus's name.

gg for svc tml. just ate my med. gg to sleep so can wake up early tml morning. tata.

Stephie.

starts with a goodbye

2006-03-04T19:22:00.000+08:00

I was sitting on my doorstep,
I hung up the phone and it fell out of my hand,
But I knew I had to do it,
And he wouldn't understand,
So hard to see myself without him,
I felt a piece of my heart break,
But when you're standing there across the road,
There's a choice you gotta make.

I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna bring me down,
The only way you try to find,
Moving on with the rest of your life,
Start to wave goodbye.

I know there's a blue horizon,
Somewhere up ahead, just waiting for me,
Getting there means leaving things behind,
Sometimes life's so bitter sweet.

I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
The night goes on, and some things that I'll have,
To give to the other side,
I guess it's gonna bring me down,
The only way you try to find,
Moving on with the rest of your life,
Start to wave goodbye.

Time, time heals,
The wounds that you feel,
Somehow, right now.

I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna bring me down,
The only way you try to find,
Moving on with the rest of your life,
Start to wave goodbye,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
Start to wave goodbye,
The only way you try to find,
Moving on with the rest of your life,
Start to wave goodbye,
Na na na na na na na.

-nice song eh? carrie underwood rockks. x)

Stephie.

so fast

2006-03-02T21:46:00.000+08:00

so fast. February is over and March is here. wow. mid-years is in 5wks time and I can practically countdown to the Os. it's really scary.

ms eu asked if I was moody today. Answer is no. I just can't trust her anymore. after what happened last year, I set my heart to forgive her already. but this time round with all the crap she gave me, that's it. I can't trust the things she say anymore. so hypocritical. urghx. wadeva.

having a math retest tml. OH WELL.

motion's coming out tml. cgm tml. pmsing now. bleahx.

Stephie.

panadols

2006-02-28T22:47:00.000+08:00

i wanna eat the panadols and go to bed but it just reminded me of you. bleahx.

Stephie. (headache.painful eyes)

saved by You, my Lord

2006-02-28T22:18:00.000+08:00

wasn't feeling quite right today. I tried to keep myself hyped and happy during el but somehow or rather it just didn't seemed to work out. Even on the train to bugis, my world was falling apart and tears seemed to flow uncontrollably. I wish I could do something. A part of me wanted to just rush home and hide under my bed and cry-wallowing in self-pity. Yet on the way home, an sms from my mum changed my mind and the Holy Spirit spoke to me. something was drawing me for tonight's prayer meeting. and so I pleaded with my daddy, explaining to him exactly what happened and miraculously, by the grace of God, I was granted the permission.

I rushed home after that. and somehow, something inside of me wants me to dash right home and fly to church, to the House of God. tears on the journey were self-sufficient. the mixed emotions of depression and hatred came back to me, trying to engulf me within the darkness. but there was just this something within me that drawed me to the prayer meeting.

I took a cab down to church from home and went up to cafe to meet rui, e141 n n284. It was so comforting to see yunrui around. jie had been comforting me for the past week. and it's just an assurance to have her presence.

after praise, worship and praying, Pastor Zhuang shared with us on the race that we are all running. he told us that it is a race of endurance and it's never ending. by now, I was already tear-filled. touched and really know why God wanted me to be in church today. it was not because of anything, but the altar call that Pastor Zhuang gave, to those who are on the verge of giving up on this race. God's presence was so strong upon me and He reminded my heart to go to the front and let Pastor lay hands on me. softly, I could hear God saying "this is why I called you hear tonight."

Guess I really needed tonight's prayer meeting. It made me once again realise the goodness of God, like whenever we're losing out of our faith and falling behind, Jesus would give us the strength and the other witnesses in heaven, cheering us on. The thought of Him waiting for me at the finishing line when I can finally stop and run straight into His arms for the comfort I always wanted.

well. It was a great feeling to once again fall under the power of the Holy Spirit. being pinned onto the ground with tear-filled eyes as He begins to work and heal your broken heart. The journey home was just so peaceful for me., as though a lot of things just didn't matter anymore. only Him. and I had been longing for this feeling for so long. that peace. that heart full of faith. He brought restoration and hope back into me. and I felt ready, ready to face up to all the possible circumstances.

A broken friendship was painful. I rmb yunrui telling me, "when ppl start to backslide, the first they will draw away from is their friend." and it all seemed so true. so painful. so hard that my heart couldn't bear it. I lost one in 2003. and yet another in 2006. wow. I'd always remember the times when we used to be enemies, then how just one day that we became best of friends. You were my greatest pal in school- the one I would run to in times of trouble. but now? we're total strangers. just hi and byes. it may mean nothing to you, but you were such a great part of my world.

The possibility of a second heartbreak arising is high. soon? it depends on that person. on the way things go, on God. and I just dono if I have the courage to hold on. but I know, facing all these, my daddy God will be here to make sure I make it through, picking me up when I fall and carry me through. I musn't allow the devil to deceive me and my emotions or cause me to draw away from God.

Perhaps meitong is right. In life, there are phases where people are supposed to mean alot to you and when the time is up, they'd go. I guess I just gotta learn to accept these facts. that some people are just not meant to be permanent. You guys all mean a lot to me, though it seems that the more you mean to me, the deeper is the hurt you impact on me.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily hinders our progress. And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us.

Stephie.

2006-02-27T20:34:00.000+08:00

the journey home seemed deadly. there was a fatal silence in the cab. my mind was blank, totally numbed. The rain and darkness came overwhelming me. I strolled home slowly in the heavy rain despite having caught a cold the day before. The familiarity of the route home was frightening. memories of how we walked by the same route that time when it was raining and you were sending me home came flooding back to me. the strong wind brushed against my skin and the coldness was freezing my blood. so chilly that i wish my blood would just coagulate and leave me, dead, along the streets. The raindrops fell so hard onto me, as though a thousand metal beads were falling from above at extreme force and pressure unto me.

let the rain fall down
and wake my dreams
let it wash away
my sainity
cos I wanna feel the thunder
I wanna scream
let the rain fall down

washing me clean. somehow, I was beginning to seek and find comfort in the darkness. tears trickled down my face. but the rain no longer bothered me. the lightning and street lights were more frightening than the overwhelming darkness due to the night and dark clouds. my heart. what could it say? nothing at all. the words I saw, the words I heard. those simple words hit so hard. my world. turned upside down. its as though I've lost all hopes. all hopes in the things around me. where can I find the faith that I had? It pierces my heart; already shattered. that's when I began to realise that sweet nothings meant nothing. nothing at all. love a minute ago could all dissolve to become emptiness and hatred. How can I forgive? can my heart do so? uncertainty is the answer.

Lord, give me the strength. give me the faith. I need You. I really really do.

Stephie.